Monday, April 10, 2017

Cow Porn

You hear of all the many ways we country folk entertain ourselves out here far away from a concert hall, sports arena, and other such venues.  We have bonfires, weenie roasts, a great game of corn hole, and just sitting back and watching the sun set.  It's a lovely life....except for spring....when we have to keep an eye on our visiting stud muffin to see if he is making his rounds properly.  Just yesterday I receive one of the most interesting jobs......

Tall Guy:  "Now you need to keep an eye on Bubba, and let me know which heifers he has covered."

Me:  "And by 'covered,' you mean......."

TG:  "Yep!  Get out the binoculars so you can tell me the heifers' numbers."

Me:  "Seriously!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

Ok, First, I do have a few other things to do around here besides sit in the sunroom (that is rather cold at the moment) and watch a movie without end.  Second, Bubba just doesn't spend all his time helping build our herd,  and third, that's just kind of weird to live your life around cow mating games.....

Me:  "Hey!  I see something!"

TG:  "Who is he riding?"

Me:  " Uhm......Well....SHE is riding HIM."

Apparently, there is just one position for cattle, and that one wasn't it.  Sigh......



Back to watching "the show."  It did remind me, however, of one of my favorite passages from the book Outlander.  It comes from the dreamy hunk Jamie Fraser after his first time with his new wife, Claire.


"So after they have sex, we see the first signpost that this episode's going to be a much more lighthearted affair than last week's: Jamie's confession that he thought that people had sex from behind like horses. Even though she promised not to, I in no way blame Claire for laughing. I did and I felt bad about it."

Loved that moment in the book, and loved the STARZ episode for keeping the exact lines in the dialogue between Claire and Jamie.  I highly recommend this series for reading and then watching the film version on STARZ.  Book 1, Outlander and Book 2, Dragonfly in Amber, are already filmed and available.  Book 3, Voyager, is being filmed right now with an air date for this new series installment due to air in September.  Meanwhile........

Back at the pasture, we wait and see.  It IS important to know that the bull is visiting all the ladies out there because, as we know, that's how we get calves, at least the old-fashioned way of doing it. Just peeked out my window and didn't see anyone out and about.  Hey, what they do in the barn I guess will stay in the barn.  With Easter Dinner here on Sunday, I do have a "few" things on my TO DO List, so sorry TG,  I'm not going to plop myself down in the sunroom to watch cow porn.

I do have a few scruples left!

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